TODAY’S WORLD: Mum’s Home!

A role for the Christian mother…..

The high street children’s store Mothercare celebrated its 50th anniversary in 2011 and marked the occasion by commissioning a survey. Two thousand mums were questioned about how they perceive their role as a mother. The survey revealed just how much perceptions have changed over the years. Two thirds of those questioned felt that the term “housewife” had “negative connotations” and preferred to be known as “stay at home mums” instead. This latter term appealed more because it emphasized their primary role as a mother at home. Nevertheless, many mums felt that they were despised for choosing to stay at home rather than going out to work. They felt others considered them “boring” company because they had nothing interesting to talk about (1).

 

In many countries today it is not easy to find employment. Recession is a word we hear all too often, and it can lead to redundancies or a shrinking of the job market. In the U.K. the number of young people out of work is on the increase, while those who at one time would have been considering retirement are finding it necessary to remain at work as they realize their pensions are going to be inadequate. Knowing these facts, a mother-to-be who has a job may well decide to keep her job open and return to it fairly soon after her baby has been born.

 

 

AN IMPORTANT DECISION

The prevailing attitude today is that a married woman should have work. One who chooses to be a “homemaker” can find herself despised by others. But, for the Christian woman, a number of factors have to be weighed up very carefully. “What does God want me to do?” is obviously the first question that must be addressed. In a Christian marriage this question needs to be discussed by the husband and wife together. Is taking up full-time employment really the best thing for their marriage? The financial advantages have to be weighed against the pressure that may be imposed on the marriage through both partners being away from home – possibly for many hours at a time. Pleasure and prestige can certainly be derived from employment, but such gains can bring their own problems. Stress at work is hard enough to cope with, but will she have enough energy for the family when she comes home after a long day at work?

 

Hidden away in Paul’s letter to Titus, we find God’s answer to this question. An occupation for younger women is described – one which is seldom recognized today. The older women in the church were exhorted to “teach the young women to be …. keepers at home,” (Titus 2:4-5). The Greek word oikourgos used here is found only in this verse in the New Testament. Literally, it means “working at home”. Rather than going out to work, and without being idle, the younger women were encouraged to be occupied at home. The older women were to teach this – not just verbally, but by example too. In other words, a “stay at home mum” is doing the right thing, according to the Bible.

 

Someone once said, “Home should have a loving smell – of cookies and bread baking!” (2)  A house can be built, bought, or rented, but not every house is a home. Once accommodation has been obtained, the work of building the home must commence. Although husbands are by no means excluded, God seems to entrust “the young women” (3) in particular with this work of “home-making”. In His estimation, the woman who deliberately chooses this “career” is “wise” (4).

 

 

A COMMENDABLE CHOICE

In Romans 12:2 we are commanded not to be conformed to this world. J.B. Phillips translates the expression, “Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould.” Yet, how easily we can allow our thinking to be moulded (perhaps unconsciously) by the world in which we live! The “liberated” woman of today is encouraged to be successful in business or to advance her career. She and her husband have “equal rights” and should pursue their individual careers. To have to stay at home is unthinkable! Many Christians today seem to have completely forgotten (or rejected) the instruction of Titus 2:5 about being a homemaker. Without realizing it, we have been affected by this world’s thinking and have begun walking “in the counsel of the ungodly.” (5)

 

Writing about the woman in the home, Daniel H. Smith has said: “Scripture does not present the wife’s role in a demeaning or inferior way. Although Western society may wrongly convey this, God’s Word presents the role of a wife and homemaker in an honourable, commendable light.” (6) With the media exerting ever-increasing pressure upon our lives, the need to have God’s mind on any subject is greater than it has ever been.

 

Sociological studies have demonstrated how the proportion of women in the labour force has risen greatly since 1965. Coupled with a more-recent increase in male unemployment, this has caused a greater number of men to be at home. Colin Richards describes how this has “resulted in a blurring of the distinctions between the roles of men and women.” This causes couples to “negotiate and then renegotiate their roles in the family situation.” (7) The Mothercare survey (mentioned earlier) also highlighted “a more shared approach to chores” today (1). However, in the light of the New Testament’s teaching about roles, this “blurring of the distinctions” should sound a warning note to the Christian family.

 

The Word of God certainly does not forbid a married woman going out to work. An examination of Proverbs 31:16 and 24 will reveal that the “virtuous woman” does not limit her activities to the four walls of her own house. In some families great hardship would be experienced if the wife and mother did not engage in paid employment. However, paid employment is certainly not necessary for every married woman. Fay Smart and Jean Young caution, “When a mother works solely to be able to get some ‘extras’ for the family or the house, to secure a ‘higher’ standard of living, she should be very sure that she is not losing more than she gains…. Whenever possible, the mother should be at home whenever the children are at home.” (2)  In later years will the mother be remembered as the one who made the house into a real home, or as the one who was always out at work when the children came in from school and had no time for them?

 

                  

 

 MANY USEFUL THINGS

The woman who chooses to be a homemaker is by no means condemned to a life of uselessness. Fay Smart and Jean Young are both convinced that “home-making can be the most creative and satisfying occupation any woman could want.” (2) Perhaps one of the loveliest “homemakers” is the woman of Shunem described in 2 Kings 4. Because she was at home, she had time to be aware of the prophet Elisha and to assess his needs. With her husband’s full approval, she was able to open her home to the man of God and offer him hospitality whenever he passed that way (8). Hospitality is commended throughout Scripture. A large, expensively-furnished house is not necessary. The home may be lacking in this world’s goods, but those who have time to offer hospitality to the Lord’s servants and to others can share in a vital ministry (9).

 

Many other opportunities exist for the “stay at home mum” (or wife) to serve the Lord. Unremunerated work can be done, and help can be given to others in so many ways. The woman who is not out at work during the day can open her home to the elderly or lonely who would love to spend a few hours outside the confines of their own four walls. There is scope for working with children, or reaching other women for the Lord. Those who live alone can be visited, and a day-time activity such as a mother and toddler group can be a useful “mission”. The rewards in terms of enjoyment from such activities can far outweigh the monetary returns from paid employment.

 

                   

 

CHOOSING THE BEST

There are many sad examples today of children who have not received adequate love or discipline due to both parents being at work. Is it really being responsible to allow a child-minder (paid or otherwise) to look after your children while you are out at work, furthering your career? Knowing how young children are impressionable, is it a wise investment to allow some other person to influence your child – when perhaps they do not even share your values? “Mum’s home!” one child shouts to another on coming through the door. There is security and pleasure in knowing that she is there. In another sense it is “Mum’s home” too. God has entrusted the Christian mother with something greater than developing a career in this world. It is the “wise woman” who recognizes the value of building her house, (Prov.14:1).

 

Perhaps it is time for us to allow the Word of God to affect our thinking. Too many marriages today are experiencing unnecessary pressures because both partners are out at work. For the Christian mother, there is something of greater value than paid employment. The great need today is for godly married women to demonstrate in practice what it means to be “home-makers” for the Lord. It is high time we gave real encouragement to those who have made this occupation their preferred choice in life.

 

END NOTES:- (1)Daily Express newspaper, October 12th, 2011.  (2)Fay Smart and Jean Young, The Woman who pleases God, Emmaus Bible School, 1977, page 85.  (3)Titus 2:4.  (4)Prov.14:1.  (5)Psa.1:1.  (6)Daniel H. Smith, God’s Blueprint for your Marriage, Emmaus Bible College, 1989, page 37.  (7)Emerging Issues in Primary Education, edited by Malcolm Clarkson, The Falmer Press, 1988, page 7.  (8)2 Kings 4:8-10.  (9)3 Jn.5-8.